Today marks 36 weeks, which means approximately 4 weeks to go until I get to meet this little baby girl. I am not sure how to sum up my feelings about the last 36 weeks other than mixed.
Each month brought new symptoms, emotions and products I didn’t know I would ever need. To say, I enjoyed the last 8 months would be a bit of an overstatement. Since the beginning, I have very minimal pregnancy symptoms, which I am so grateful for. Round ligament pain struck early, but was quick. Acid reflux hit me big time from about 20 weeks on. I was able to pop a few Tums and manage it, but by week 31 I had to reach out the my doctor and received a prescription.
So why the mixed emotions?
Outside of normal symptoms, I’ve had to deal with the onset of my psoriasis. I have struggled with psoriasis almost my entire life. At certain times, it was completely managed with creams that were covered by whatever insurance I had at the time and other times it covered 60-80% of my body, because I didn’t have a low enough deductible to cover the medication/medical treatment. Finally, 5 years ago, I got quality insurance that allowed me to afford Humira. In short, my miracle drug. I took the injection in my stomach every other week. It cleared 99% of my psoriasis. For the first time in a very long time (I am talking 15 years), I could wear short sleeves without worrying about my scales showing on my elbows or wearing a dark colored shirt, because there was no longer flakes from my scalp psoriasis. Then we decided to have a baby and although, I could have stayed on Humira, it was recommend I be on as few medications as possible, so I dropped it. Now, 36 weeks pregnant, the red itchy scaly patches are popping up on shins, elbows, armpits and scalp. It’s been a rollercoaster of emotions. Dealing with pregnancy symptoms, the flair up of psoriasis and self-esteem issues that go hand and hand, and now the Coronavirus; it has been an interesting last 2 months.
Where do I even begin with the Coronavirus. I mean, leave it up to the E household to plan a birth right in the middle of a pandemic. In all seriousness, Ryan and I haven’t completely lost our minds about it. I have been in the house for 22 days and counting. I do have a doctor’s appointment next Thursday and another one in 2 weeks. Besides these two outings, I will be in the house until (and probably after) this little lady arrives. Ryan is going on week 3 of working from home, so we are all feeling a little cooped up. As of today, in Minnesota, Ryan can still be in the delivery room, but no other visitors allowed. We also received a gentle hint during our doctor’s appointment, that if everything goes well with labor and delivery we will be nudged out of the hospital with 24 hours.
As with many other things with pregnancy, these added stressor cause plenty of uneasy emotions. This definitely is not the pregnancy, labor/delivery, or celebratory welcome party Ryan and I had envision. For me, somedays are more positive than others. One day, I feel like I can conquer the world, that the psoriasis doesn’t affect my self-esteem and that the virus is a little chest cough. But other days are a little dimmer. Ryan is always here for me, but I feel alone in those bleak days.
Is it May 7th yet?
